Revelation and Acceptance
by TeddyMo
Summary: Sequel to A Point of Light


**_A.N. -- Continuing from "A Point of Light", this is my view of how things might possibly go from where we were left after Untethered. In my humble opinion, Alex is just as brilliant as Bobby, albeit in a different way, which simply points up how well they compliment each other. I see no reason why Alex couldn't have worked out the secret Bobby's been keeping about Brady and his mother, but keep her deductions to herself and let Bobby come to her with his burden in his own time. And my take on her marriage to Joe is based in part on her discussion with Ross in The War At Home about her deceased husband, and his gift to her for one of their wedding anniversaries, which I think upset her very much. Whatever exterior Alex presents to the world in the context of her profession, I think she would have an entirely different, much softer persona in private. And as always, they are not mine, alas. _**

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Bobby put the final touches on the baking dish of eggplant parmesan he was preparing, covered it and slid it into the oven. Glancing at the clock, he saw he had about 45 minutes before Alex arrived for dinner. He had prepared the salad earlier, as well as a favorite Italian dressing with light olive oil and herbs both for the salad and to dip pieces of the fresh, crusty loaf of bread he had picked up from the bakery on the corner. A plate of prosciutto and melon, as well as tiramasu from the same bakery, completed the menu. Alex was bringing a bottle of wine.

Cleaning up the remnants of clutter from his cooking and making sure everything was ready for dinner, Bobby felt a sense of pleasant anticipation at the thought of an evening spent in Alex's company. While they had spoken on the phone nearly every day, the shift Alex was working and a couple of her family obligations had kept them from actually seeing each other for nearly two weeks, while they waited out the term of his suspension and for the results of his psych evaluation. Her phone call last evening, while not completely a surprise, had simply forestalled his to her, to let her know he had seen Dr. Olivette and felt the visit had gone fairly well, and also to offer to cook dinner for her this evening. She sounded tired, but seemed to be pleased by his invitation, and by his promise to cook her favorite meal --- hence, eggplant parmesan. He smiled to himself as he checked the bedroom and bathroom to make sure everything was clean and in its place before her arrival. A home cooked dinner was the least of what he owed Alex.

Wandering back into the kitchen, he checked the dish in the oven before moving to the living room to sit down in his reading chair. On impulse, he opened the drawer of the table next to the chair, removing the box containing his mother's ring. Looking at the piece, he thought he really should find a safer place for it. The stone itself was worth a small fortune, according to the jeweler buddy he had had examine the ring to be sure Frank hadn't replaced the gem with a fake. One thing about his father, or rather, the man who may or may not be his father – he only bought the best, whenever he had the money. Leaning back, he continued to look at the ring while indulging in a moment of fantasy – that he had asked Alex to dinner tonight to give this ring to her ------ After a few seconds, he sighed deeply, snapping the box closed and rubbing away the slight moisture that had gathered in the corners of his eyes with the fingers of his right hand. As if she'd have _him, _especially after all the trouble he'd caused her, however much he regretted it. And besides, there was Brady -----

If he were totally honest with himself, he had to admit her acceptance of his dinner invitation had surprised him somewhat. He'd been off balance and uncertain with her for months, more so since the aftermath of the Quinn investigation. She seemed to draw him closer and yet push him away at the same time, and he really didn't know what to think anymore. He just tried to do the best he could to interpret the mixture of signals he received from her, and not to read too much into anything she said or did. It was very hard on him, emotionally exhausting at times, but he wasn't easy to deal with, either, and he was willing to put forth any amount of effort to keep her in his life, at the very least as his partner, and hopefully, as his friend. He didn't dare hope for anything more.

He was so lost in his thoughts, the knock at the door startled him. Rising from his seat, he dropped the box onto the table next to the lamp, looking quickly through the peephole before unlatching and opening the door. "Hi".

"Hi yourself", she said, walking into the room as he shut the door behind her Setting the bottle she carried down on the small table just inside, she stepped over to him as he turned back to her and wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek to the sweatshirt he wore as she did so. Taken back by the unexpected gesture of affection, he instinctively wrapped his own arms around her, pulling her slightly closer. Even more surprisingly, he felt her arms tighten around him in response. Chuckling nervously, he said softly, "Hey, hey --- is something wrong?" He missed her response, muffled as it was by his clothing. "Alex?" He was beginning to be concerned –

"I said, nothing's wrong, I've just missed you", she said looking up at him. Their eyes locked for a minute, and then she released him, pulling away. "Smells good. Is it ready yet, I'm starving". He continued to gaze at her for a few seconds longer, while reality reasserted itself. How she ate as much as she did remained a mystery even he couldn't solve. "Uh—yeah, in a few minutes. Give me your coat, and come sit down."

An hour later, Alex put her fork down, leaning back in her chair and sighing. "Bobby, that was _so_ good."

Smiling shyly, he shrugged. "Thanks, but it wasn't anything special." Alex snorted.

"Anytime I don't have to cook it myself makes it special, Goren. But you are a very good cook, and I loved it. Thank you."

"You're welcome." He looked down at his plate, where he was moving a piece of eggplant around with his fork. "I --- I wanted to do something for you, to – to try and make up a little for all the trouble I've caused you."

"Bobby ---" she paused, watching him play with the remaining food on his plate --- "Let's go sit in the living room and talk." His head flew up and she could see the panic beginning in his eyes. Her heart ached for this sweet, sensitive man, who always thought the worst every time she said the words, _let's talk_. Reaching out and clasping her hand around the hand holding his fork, she smiled at him gently. "Relax, Bobby. I – we – " She sighed. "Turn the coffee pot on, and come on. I'll help you clean up in a little while, and then we can have dessert." Squeezing gently, then patting his hand, she rose and walked over to his couch, kicking off her shoes and curling into the corner closest to his chair.

He followed behind, almost reluctantly, afraid of what she might have to say. Settling into his seat, he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he studied her intently. She really was a lovely woman with her pixie-like features and streaky dark blonde hair, imbued with a physical and emotional strength that belied her diminutive size. He really didn't know what he would do without her, and didn't ever want to find out what life would be like without her in it, even if not in the role he imagined in his dreams. "Uh – Alex?"

Watching him watching her, it took her a second to respond. "What, Bobby?"

"What happened to your necklace? You didn't lose it, did you?" Bobby was one of the few people outside her immediate family circle who knew what the gem had once represented, and his concern was touching. Studying him just as intently as he had studied her, she replied, "No, Bobby. I – decided it was time to stop wearing it, and I put it away for Joe's niece, Lindsay, when she's old enough to appreciate it." She paused, and then continued on, 'Lindsay is the only Dutton grandchild, and it's right she should have it one day."

"Oh." He looked down at his hands, examining them with seemingly great interest. "I—I didn't mean to pry --- "

"Bobby". He looked up at her again, and she could see he was afraid he'd upset her. "You're not prying", she said gently. Taking a deep breath, she said, "If you hadn't invited me for dinner, I would have asked you over to my place. Actually, I – I wanted to tell you about Joe and me."

Of all the things he thought she wanted to talk with him about, that was one topic that hadn't occurred to him, and it rendered him speechless for several seconds. He just stared at her, until she looked down at her hands, which she was twisting in her lap. "Uh – O – OK", he managed. "What – whatever you want, uh --- "

Looking up at him again, she patted the seat next to her. "Come sit next to me, Bobby. I can't talk with you watching me like that." Caught off guard by her request, he wordlessly shifted from the chair to sit beside her on the couch, and was further surprised when she snuggled into his side, pulling his right arm around her shoulders and holding his large, long-fingered hand between both of hers. Deciding she simply needed contact, and wondering what she had to tell him that had her so unsettled, he stretched his legs out, pushed his shoes off and tried to relax and enjoy the feeling of having her so close, whatever the reason.

Several minutes passed before she sighed and said, "You know all about how Joe and I met and got married just before academy graduation."

Nodding, even though she couldn't see him, he said, "Uh—yeah. You told me all about how fast it all happened."

She shifted, snuggling just a little closer to him. "Yeah. Maybe – maybe too fast, in retrospect. She sighed again. "After the first year on the job, Joe got assigned to narcotics, and a few months later, I was tagged for a temporary assignment to vice because they were short-handed for an operation, and it turned into a permanent one. Joe wasn't happy about it, but he got over it, or at least, I thought he did." She paused again, and he remained silent, letting her tell the story in her own way and time. "We went along like that for most of the rest of the time we were married. We really didn't get to spend as much time with each other as we would have liked; we were working different shifts, and it seemed like most of the time we did have together, we spent arguing about who was going to do what chores and whose turn it was to visit who's family." She looked down at their hands, twisting her fingers around his in a gesture he recognized as nervousness. She swallowed, and continued on, "Six or seven months before Joe was murdered, his sister, Christy, had our niece, Lindsay. When Christy got pregnant, Joe started hinting he thought it would be nice if there were two little Dutton cousins born the following year, but I just – couldn't, I wasn't ready then, things were going well for me at work, and we were involved in a big drug and prostitution operation with narcotics. So, having a baby became another thing we had to argue about in what little time off we had together."

Sensing how difficult this was for her to talk about, he tightened his arm around her, pulling her even closer against his side. He wasn't sure, but he thought she might be crying. He felt her take another deep breath before she went on, "That was the year Joe gave me a taser for our anniversary. I was never quite sure how he meant me to understand that gift, why a taser, whether he was concerned for my safety, or whether he had stopped seeing me as a woman, as his wife, and saw me as just another cop. Anyway, I didn't want to get into yet another argument about something with him, so I just thanked him," Here she sniffed, confirming his suspicion about her tears, "and gave him the Movado watch I'd been saving for over that last year, that I knew he wanted."

Wanting to offer her some kind of comfort, Bobby turned his head and gently kissed her head. "Alex, I --- "

"No, wait, Bobby. Let me finish while I still can," she interrupted. Taking yet another deep breath and swallowing hard, she said, "The next day off I had, we went to Joe's parent's for an early dinner with them and Joe's sister and her husband, because Joe had to go out that night to make a drug buy on a sting operation he and Kevin were working. The argument about having kids started in the car on the way home, and continued up to the time Joe left to go in to the precinct to get ready. The last thing he said to me before he left, " and here, he could hear the trembling she couldn't keep from her voice any longer, "was that if I didn't want to have a kid with him, he could certainly find someone who did." She stopped and drew in a shuddering breath, "I don't know if he was already seeing someone else, or if he was just trying to pressure me, but – that was the night ---- " She fell silent.

"Alex, Alex," was all he could think of to say, wrapping his other arm around her and rocking her gently, rubbing her back. "I – I'm so sorry – I never knew --- "

"No one did," she said, so quietly he almost didn't hear her. "We never let anyone know we were having problems ----- " They remained like that for some time while Alex regained her composure.

Glad for an excuse to keep her close to him, Bobby continued to rub her back, inhaling the sweet, lilac fragrance of her hair. "Better now?" he asked softly after awhile. Without replying, she nodded. "Why did you want me to know all this, then?" he asked.

"Because --- " she lifted her head so she could look into his eyes, "because I – I wanted you to know why I've been pushing you away so much." Holding his gaze, she searched his eyes, seeing nothing there but love and concern. "Because I was afraid to let myself feel what I knew I felt for you, until I thought I'd lost you to those monsters at Tate. And I couldn't go on any longer without telling you how I feel about you." She watched as the expression in his eyes went from stunned disbelief, to shining hope, to despair, and he started to pull away. "Bobby? What's wrong?" She shifted so she could hold his face between her hands, forcing him to look at her. "Bobby? What is it? Please, tell me, " she said softly.

Involuntarily, his hands reached to cover hers, caressing her hands and forearms. "Alex, I – I can't be any less honest with you than you've been with me." He dropped his eyes from hers, but continued to hold onto her hands, rubbing his thumbs over the backs of them as he struggled with what he knew needed to say, had needed to tell her for months, but didn't want her to know. "My mom," he swallowed, hard, lifting his eyes to hers once again to look at everything he'd ever wanted or needed before it slipped from his life forever. She was surprised to see the tears gathered in the corners. His eyes dropped from hers once again. "She – she had an affair --- before I was born --- "

"Bobby. Look at me," Alex said. Reluctantly, he raised his grief-stricken, tear-filled eyes to hers. "I think I already know what you're trying to tell me. And it doesn't matter who your father was, not at all."

Stunned, he looked at her, unable to speak, barely able to breathe, for several minutes. "How—how did you---- "

Rolling her eyes, Alex said, "Hello, Bobby, let me introduce myself, Detective Alex Eames, NYPD, Major Case". Pulling her hands from his, she pushed him back against the couch, pulling his arm around her once again and snuggling into his side before she continued. "How? Well, I had seen that damaged picture you were convinced was your mother. Brady seemed more – interested – in that picture than any of the others. He called the woman Bambi, talked about her big dark eyes. Said he'd been with her the night Kennedy was elected. Surprise, surprise, I know when your birthday is. His obsession with you. And, then, when he sent that written confession to you and said it was a birthday present – ' She shrugged. "And it certainly explains why your – father – favored Frank over you, why he mistreated you so much." Reaching up, she put her right hand against his cheek, caressing it as she turned his face to look at her. "Bobby. It doesn't matter. Look at Frank, and look at you. Your mom and dad doted on Frank, but neglected you; worse, they abused you. Frank had _no _reason to become any kind of an addict, to want to find an escape, but he did. Frank's addictions are learned behaviors, not genetic. He could _choose _to overcome them anytime he wants to, he simply doesn't want to. You could have _chosen_ to learn those same addictions, to try to get away from it all, but you didn't. You _chose_ a much more productive path for your life. Genetics have nothing to do with it." She reached up and brushed her fingers across his cheek. "You are nothing like Goren, or Brady. You are your own, unique self, and one of the best human beings I know."

He closed his eyes, not saying anything, but reached to capture her hand as it touched his cheek. Grasping it tightly, he took a deep breath, then said, so quietly she had to strain to hear him, "I -- I tried to strangle him – there in his cell – that day I went to see him alone --- he – he said I had it in me --- to finish the job --- "

She stilled for a just second, wondering what degree of provocation it would take to push Bobby to that breaking point. "And what did he say, or do, to get you to try, Bobby?"

Opening his eyes slowly, he turned his head to look down at her, reading only caring and concern in her eyes, on her face. "You're --- you're not --- "

"Not what, Bobby? Afraid of you?" She snorted. "Not hardly. Look – " She shifted away, sitting up on the edge of the couch, taking both of his hands in hers and holding them against her chest. "I knew you wanted to confront him about your mom, and he took advantage of having you alone to -- - " she paused, shifting her grip on his hands to hold them more securely against her. 'To – hint – that you were his son, didn't he? To – to rub it in, that they had had an affair?" Looking away, trying to blink the tears from his eyes, he nodded, slowly. "Yeah", he said, the word just a breath.

"Bobby," she said, releasing one hand and cupping his face in her palm, so he had to look at her. "She was your _mom_, Bobby. He hurt her, and maybe what he did to her made her illness worse, I don't know. And she was a very unhappy woman, from what you've told me about how your – dad – treated her, and you. Frank was the only one he treated decently, and look how well _he _turned out. " Alex paused, continuing to hold his gaze, stroking his cheek. "Your mom -- she was looking for – comfort, and Brady manipulated her --- just like he manipulated you."

She could feel him trembling with relief, and, perhaps, something else. As she continued to caress his cheek, hoping to comfort him, to calm him, he pulled her closer to him, and they settled comfortably, wrapped together, content simply to be for a time. Alex dropped her hand to his chest, resting her head against Bobby's side, eyes closed, listening to his heartbeat, while Bobby rested his cheek on top of her head, inhaling her scent, dazed that she knew, and _was still here._ He half expected to wake any minute, to find himself still alone, sitting in his chair, looking at ---

_Mom's ring._ Glancing over, he saw the box was still sitting on the table, next to the lamp. Closing his eyes, tightening his hold on her, for the first time in as long as he could remember, he dared to hope.


End file.
